Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Mixed Feelings

I'm confused!! . . . . I thought I would be ecstatic for school to start tomorrow. I mean everything on my checklist has been crossed off. The clothes are bought and thoughtfully laid out, all the fees are paid, lunches made and backpacks stuffed with supplies, hairs are all cut (Thanks Grandma). They each know what classes and teachers they have and where they need to go, so it's not like I'm nervous or frazzled and running around doing last minute tasks. We're ready!!

For days I've been excitedly counting down the hours until school starts and now at this final hour I'm pummeled with a heavy heart. You would think that with all the feelings of excitement and anticipation that can be felt in my house; as I hear happy chatter and feel the elevated energy that is bursting from their little bodies, that I would hop on board and join in this jubilious, celebratory moment. Instead I'm burdened with this indescribable, painful lump in my throat. WHY??? What the heck changed and when??
Maybe it's the start of new adventures for each one of them that has me. Travis is a Senior, Kaymin is a Freshman, Logan is going into Jr. High, Mallory 4th grade, Jentzen 1st grade and Gage starts preschool on Friday. Gosh, there's that lump again. Is anyone else feeling this way? 

This is definitely a first for me. I'm usually the one skipping through the neighborhood singing and dancing with an ear-to-ear grin, but for some strange reason, I don't feel like that. Of course it IS after 11:00pm and my house is totally quiet and peaceful and their sweaty little heads do smell delicious after their toasty baths and they look awfully cute! Who knows? Maybe tomorrow morning when the hustle and bustle is in full swing and the fighting has ensued: ("So and so won't let me in the bathroom!", "He had two bowls of cereal!", "I was sitting there before her", "I called shotgun!!") Perhaps I will have an entirely different post, perhaps I WILL be singing and dancing through the neighborhood. One thing is for sure, there will be milk and cookies and an anxious Mom waiting for them to come flying through the door to tell her about their day!!