Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Mixed Feelings

I'm confused!! . . . . I thought I would be ecstatic for school to start tomorrow. I mean everything on my checklist has been crossed off. The clothes are bought and thoughtfully laid out, all the fees are paid, lunches made and backpacks stuffed with supplies, hairs are all cut (Thanks Grandma). They each know what classes and teachers they have and where they need to go, so it's not like I'm nervous or frazzled and running around doing last minute tasks. We're ready!!

For days I've been excitedly counting down the hours until school starts and now at this final hour I'm pummeled with a heavy heart. You would think that with all the feelings of excitement and anticipation that can be felt in my house; as I hear happy chatter and feel the elevated energy that is bursting from their little bodies, that I would hop on board and join in this jubilious, celebratory moment. Instead I'm burdened with this indescribable, painful lump in my throat. WHY??? What the heck changed and when??
Maybe it's the start of new adventures for each one of them that has me. Travis is a Senior, Kaymin is a Freshman, Logan is going into Jr. High, Mallory 4th grade, Jentzen 1st grade and Gage starts preschool on Friday. Gosh, there's that lump again. Is anyone else feeling this way? 

This is definitely a first for me. I'm usually the one skipping through the neighborhood singing and dancing with an ear-to-ear grin, but for some strange reason, I don't feel like that. Of course it IS after 11:00pm and my house is totally quiet and peaceful and their sweaty little heads do smell delicious after their toasty baths and they look awfully cute! Who knows? Maybe tomorrow morning when the hustle and bustle is in full swing and the fighting has ensued: ("So and so won't let me in the bathroom!", "He had two bowls of cereal!", "I was sitting there before her", "I called shotgun!!") Perhaps I will have an entirely different post, perhaps I WILL be singing and dancing through the neighborhood. One thing is for sure, there will be milk and cookies and an anxious Mom waiting for them to come flying through the door to tell her about their day!!



Celeste said...

I can't believe Kaymin is going into high school! When I first met her she was still in Elementary school! Where does the time go! I don't blame you at all for being a little sad, I can't stand the idea of sending Xander to school. Good luck! Can't wait to see their first day of school outfits!

Dawna said...

I am a bit sad this year too. We have had such a wonderful summer I hate to see it end. Time is flying by entirely too fast.

Here at home said...

You're making me cry, now. I don't even have kids in school yet. Here I was getting all excited for next year when I will have one in school and now I'm not so excited for that day to come.
You're such a great mom - making cookies for your kids when they get home from school.
Great post. It's fun to have you blogging again.

CaryManda said...

it's about time you blogged something woman!! :) you are the best!
I felt the same way this morning. It was hard for me to watch my four little bodies walking through the doors.
This afternoon when the fighting began again, however, I remembered why I was excited. :P
it's good for all of us, no?
a little time apart?
i love you to bits! and I love reading your words!

Laurel said...

It just sounds like lots and lots of changes all at once. Why do they have to grow up so fast! Those kids are sure lucky to have such a great mom - hope school is going well for everybody.

Kim Hacking said...

Sweet post Krissy! I too have bittersweet feelings as my boys go back to school. My baby is in 1st grade this year and will be gone all day! I hate that! I guess the good news is I could meet you for lunch! ;)